Estrangement for some can be a fact of life. For me it has for just over 4 years. Recently I contacted me Dad. We have been estranged since I was 21. Now 25, emotional much stronger but also much more self aware, I chose to reach out. I wrote a post about our estrangement not long ago; I sat down and processed how I felt, how I was feeling 4 years ago and most importantly how I felt about the future. Sitting down and thinking about it spurred me into reaching out. I knew I could cope with any out come to my actions; but also any emotions it invoked.
Estrangement isn’t easy on both parties. I had never meant to part ways for so long. But I had instigated the estrangement after the realisation I wasn’t coping, I was fragile, unhappy and unwell. I had taken the time I needed to put my self right. But in the last year I had become used to the status quo and settled in that state and feeling. I felt safe. In control.
Now 25 I’m am the polar opposite of my 20 year old self, I’m a graduate, I’m married to a soldier: my best friend and soul mate, living in married quarters in the most beautiful part of the world, I have a dog, a nice job, friends, my mental health is very good, I’m positive, I’m emotionally in a very good place and very stable (even if I am some what of an over reactor at times). Contacting him did unsettle me a little: I was stressed, emotional, tiered and overwhelmed from the moment I reached out to the moment we met. But as we spoke to each other, as we laughed and joked I felt better, more relaxed, much more natural. What was it that put me at ease? The realisation that our meeting was not about the past; I didn’t have to explain myself. It was about the future. It wasn’t about the reasons why I walked away but about how we moved forward.
There are so many reasons why relations become estranged. And some people will choose to never reconnect. No matter the reason, who instigated it ; there can be no change unless both parties are fully invested and ready to move on.
I’ve always been honest about our relationship when people asked and I suppose at times seemed quite indifferent to the fact we hadn’t spoken in so long. I have always been reluctant to take advice; I knew what I was doing and why. To this day I still wouldn’t take there advice because although I may wish I reconnected sooner; I trust my instincts. Which is why I know that now was the right time. Despite how well I know myself I don’t think I would have been able to reconnect without the support of my husband… as cliché as it sounds he’s my rock. But also allows be to come to decisions by using him as my sounding board (the poor man).
I feel hopeful for the future of our relationship. Building our relationship afresh.