Not that long ago I became extremely worried that I might be an awful friend. I’ve had a lot of friends over the years. A small few I have fallen out with, some have drifted away and a small portion I would still call my friends today. Some of those people I may only have contact with through social media or via text and a tiny few I see regularly. I came to the conclusion that some friendships aren’t built to last. And sadly some are victims of circumstance; but that doesn’t devalue the friendship that you had at the time. There are so many reasons why friendships don’t go the distance.
We change over time: no one stays the same. We out grow people and people out grow us. It’s not really anyone’s fault. You may not necessarily like the same things you did 5 – 10 years ago. I had a lot of friend through my “every nights an excuse for a drink” phase that I no longer see or speak to now. Our priorities and lifestyles change and with that so it seems , for me anyway , so do our friends. It also doesn’t mean that that friendship was a waste of time or doesn’t the have any value. That individual still helped to mould you as a person and those memories may still bring you a smile.
Life gets in the way: a terrible truth. You move jobs. Your schedule changes. You move away. Some friendships aren’t made to withstand these changes. And that’s okay!! I’m really lucky to have a best friend who can deal with me not knowing what I’m doing and when! She also frequently forgets about or rearranges the FaceTime session so we are pretty even on that one. If you don’t make time for someone you can’t expect them to make time for you. But equally it can be hard to make time for everyone. My fella is in the military so I frequently can’t commit to a plan or event; understandably frustrating for many people ! I’m also prone to changing plans last minute which sometimes leads to you not being invited in the end.
You fall out: I hate to say it some friendships I have had in the past have ended in fall out. It’s horrible. Sometimes you can’t let go of something they did or said. I use to hate myself for this one. But I realised its okay to be hurt by people … And to not want to go back for more!!
Some friendships aren’t healthy: too much dependency or too much emotional blackmail. You have always done something to hurt their feelings or they just want something from you. Whatever it is these unhealthy relationships are doomed to fail in some way or another. But it’s probably a good thing.
Love: oh yes love gets in the way. You or they have a new partner and WAM! your not seeing each other quite as much as you did before. Some people insist you drag your significant other out to occasions and some people are never without their loved one. Loved ones get in the way; you might not like someone’s partner, they might not like yours and some don’t like that your in a relationship. It’s a difficult truth. Being in a relationship can also drastically change your priorities. If my husbands back a few days early I cancel all my plans to see him. This annoyed people especially when he was “just” my boyfriend. But when you haven’t seen each other in a month you really don’t care what plans you did have.
Some friendships are made in the moment and stay in the moment: you click at work / university or wherever it is you meet. But your friendship is only there so when that stops the friendship does.
I’m great-full for every friend I’ve had. All the good times we have shared, all the laughs and all the silliness. I’m even more thankful of the friendships that are still going strong now. The army wives and girlfriends who have moved away and still keep in touch. My best friend who puts up with all my rubbish and all the wonderful people who contribute to my life.